10 Double Dog Dares, Every 5th Grader Should Ignore

Elementary school, we’ve all been there. For what ever reason it brings out the worst in kids. This time of year when the TV channels continually repeat the Christmas Story over and over and over again. Taking us back to the time of Norman Rockwell, an Innocent time when life was simple. When children used their imagination to entertain themselves. An imagination that would occasionally get them in trouble.

The old Double Dog Dare, a challenge that can’t be ignored. Common sense would tell you otherwise, but young bravado or the over whelming desire to fit in will surely erase any hope of sensibility remaining in control. We all experienced these following scenarios, how did you fair? Where you able to be the better person and walk away, or were you the culprit inciting such poor judgment.

The obvious starter for this list of famous stupid Double Dog Dares is the old sticking your tongue to the mailbox, while waiting for the school bus to arrive. Nothing like a group of cold kids waiting for the bus to come up with something stupid. This one is so obvious I hesitated to use it, so here it is out of the way.

Going behind the barn to smoke cigarettes. After stealing a pack of Viceroy’s from the carton in Dad’s night stand, you and your buddy head out back after school to enjoy the fruits of the challenge placed by that so called buddy. This isn’t a habit you want to start, it’s so hard to quit, even if it was on a Dare.

Taking that first bottle of beer from the half empty case sitting in the back porch. After that poker game last night Dad has no idea how many bottles are left, he’ll never miss one or two. I’m sure he won’t notice the glassy eye stare as you weave your way into the supper table when Mom hollers out the back door that dinner’s ready. Your first lesson that drinking on an empty stomach isn’t the best plan. Makes you proud to think won that Dare.

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Noticing a grass fire spreading on the far side of the vacant lot just down the street, you and your teenage friend hurry over to start work on extinguishing the fire. The fire siren goes off and the flashing red lights of the firetruck arrive. As they drag out their hoses they question the two of you, convinced your guilty of setting the fire. Pleading not guilty you state you only came to put the fire out. Though they’re not convinced they turn you over to your parents. Twenty years later it comes out your younger 5th grade brother and your friends younger brother had caused the fire while playing with matches. I’m sure there was a Double Dog Dare involved in there somewhere.

Every cool guy in class had one. In their wallet that circular outline would show through. Signifying they had arrived, they were a force to be dealt with. Unfortunately your Dad is Catholic and doesn’t use them. The only place for you to get one is the corner drug store. Behind the counter out of sight, the only way is to walk up and ask the Druggist. You take in a deep breath and head on in. Using all your internal fortitude you blurt out, Sir I want to buy a CONDOM. The Druggist replies, as he struggles to hold back laughter, what size would you like? With all your manliness you struggle to say Extra Large Please. The Druggist almost chokes trying keep the snicker from turning into a out of control belly laugh. That’s it, your nerve is gone, you turn and bolt for the door. Maybe next year will be your time. So this is one Double Dog Dare you fail to achieve.

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A few years earlier and the dare would be to dip cute little Susie’s pigtails in the ink well in your school desk. But this is the 1950’s, ink wells are just an empty hole in the upper corner of the old stationary school desk. In place of such foolishness such things as pulling her pigtails, dropping something down her dress, anything to draw attention to yourself. Later in life you’ll realize that to gain favor with a lovely woman you should do NICE things for her. Flowers and candy would be much better then the frog down the dress idea of your early years. Even on a Dare this isn’t a good idea.

It’s a hot summer day, Mary Jo is just starting to blossom, her figure is showing indications of what future years will label as being well endowed. She comes out wearing her TUBE TOP from last year, not noticing that her new breasts are trying desperately to escape. Your buddy whispers in your ear. With giggling by all you come up behind poor Mary Jo, and in a blink of an eye she is exposing her womanly charms for all the school to see. May have been funny back then, but you’ll get more then a hand slap these days. It always seems the Double Dog Dare will lead to someone’s embarrassment.

About to enter the small Mom & Pop grocery store your buddy Double Dog Dares you to steal a candy bar. You nervously enter and while he keeps the cashier busy selling him penny candy, you slip a 5 cent Milky Way bar into your pocket. If you have a conscience you remember it all your life. If you don’t this is the first step toward a life of crime.

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At 17 you finally get your drivers license, the old car your father has helped you prepare for the occasion is taking you on your first cruise around town. Pulling up to a red light a bunch of your buddies pull along side and rev their engine. With the hollering of a Double Dog Dare, by your friends that are acting like they’re still in 5th grade, your off and running to the next red light. If your lucky old Deputy Barney Phife is sleeping somewhere and won’t catch you.

The final item on this list of stupidity, every country boy has don’t it. Not so common in todays world, but very common in earlier years. The most famous Double Dog Dare of them all. I Double Dog Dare you to PEE on the Electric Fence. Far more formidable then simply touching the electric fence, as that alone will give you a good jolt. To be able to survive a steady stream of your urine flowing across those electrical contacts, sending that powerful sensation through the root of your man hood. This is the ultimate Double Dog Dare.